Forgiving Rollins
by Chezzaa
Summary: Amanda's life is now spiralling out of control, with secrets spilling out fast. Can she contain them or will she have to face the truth? And how will she get to the other side. (A warning for one or two scenes. There not completely explicit, but may be uncomfortable to read) First Fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: First Fan-fiction ever so be kind, but I will really appreciate constructive criticism, to help my writing become better. I've tried to include some of the spoilers we have gotten for this episode. After writing this bit, I then remembered the scene in season 13 Strange Beauty with Amanda and Sam and how he mentioned something like 'the Deputy Chief was out of line, drunk or not'. I was going to change the story line to fit that bit but couldn't so I've decided to leave it as. I apologize beforehand for any grammar and spelling mistakes as English Lang and Lit was never my strong point at GCSEs. (However, my Microsoft word seems to be writing in American spellings as well i.e. using z's in some words which are supposed to s's).

**Also there's a warning for one or two scenes. There not completely explicit, but may be uncomfortable to read, one being a rape scene. **

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns the L&O SVU characters. I own the plot and the two APD detectives. **

She had cracked. She knew what it was like to be on the stand and being cross examined but they still practised her testimony. All that had happened in the last couple of days was playing up on her mind; seeing Patton for the first time in 6 years, him ringing her, informing her of his trip to New York, seeing and hearing his latest victim in that hospital bed. His _new young_ _blonde protégé._ His _new young_ _blonde protégé _which Reese Taymor shouldn't have been if she had stuck to her guns and reported him. And then to top it all off, Patton was now claiming she had some sort of vendetta against him. That they had 'a thing' and he didn't want to continue it and she was still bitter about it. Of course, all her squad had heard this claim but she didn't stick around to deal with inquisition.

She had spaced out, remembering all this and hadn't realised Barba was trying to get her attention, until he was standing in front of her. "Amanda…"

"He raped me."

After she realised what she had blurted out, she jumped down off the stand and bolted for the door, as he called after her. He had phoned Liv once he got to his office who then called Dodds to inform him of the newest revelation in this complicated case.

Amanda had gone back home and confided in a friend which had recently re-entered her life; vodka. She had woken with a massive headache plus an endless number of missed calls from nearly everyone in the squad. She decided to call her commanding officer.

"Amanda, where are you?"

"I'm at my apartment, what's up?"

"We've all been calling you for the past hour, are you okay?

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine….." Liv wasn't fooled.

"We need to talk about what you told Barba" There was a long pause between the line. "Amanda?" What was she going to say? She lied, nothing happened, she wasn't sure why she had said. It was a misunderstanding. It was consensual… "Amanda?"

"Yeah ok" Liv could sense the uneasiness in her voice.

"I've had to call Dodds, and he's called for a meeting with Barba at the DA's office.

Now here she was. She stopped right outside Barba's office door. After her confession to Barba, whilst preparing for her to testify, a meeting was immediately called. She could see him, Dodds and Benson sitting at the table, waiting for her arrival.

The moment of truth. The dirty truth of Amanda Rollins. How is she going to face everyone after this? The poor, defenceless Amanda; how was she going protect her partner if she couldn't protect herself? Or would she get the same reception as she did from her old squad: the pretty blonde rookie detective who thought she could whore her way up the ranks or the hopelessly in love girl who wanted more out of the 'one night stand' and cried rape when either didn't happen. She could run. Just leave. Right now. No one would care. They could think what they liked. She would be gone, and wouldn't have to deal with the fallout. However, when she looked through the glass Barba was signalling for her to come in, which was then followed by the rotating heads of Liv and Dodds. This was it.

She had Barba to her left, Liv to her right and Dodds sitting opposite her. The greatest place to stare her down whilst giving her a grilling.

"You do know why we're here?" Dodds asked but in a less demeaning way than his usual manner. Amanda just nodded. "We need to know what has happened between you and Deputy Chief Patton." She added a short chuckle at the end which left them all confused.

"So you can make this all go away, right?"

"Amanda..." Liv started but Dodds stopped her.

"Whatever has happened, I'm going to get to the bottom of it. If he has committed these heinous crimes, then I want him punished for it. However this was dealt with in Atlanta, it won't be the same here. All I ask of you, is the truth." Amanda wasn't sure what to say. In the weeks they had known this guy, he had been an absolute prick and now here he was willing to believe her allegation. "That okay with you?"

"Yeah" She replied, finally finding her voice.

"Your statement could really and strengthen this case." Barba started.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Wherever you want"

She pondered for a moment, thinking back to where her fate was made.

"We had these guys operating a service, pimping out under age girls. We found out that there was a list of frequent Johns who were using this service, so we decided to set up a sting". She stopped and looked up at the other occupants of the table. "Of course, being the only female in the department I had no choice; and they made sure I knew that."

"They couldn't borrow an officer from another unit?" Liv asked astonished at the level of support Amanda had being the only female. Granted, she herself had been the only female in the squad for the longest while, but the guys always had her back, never pressured her into uncomfortable situations, no matter what.

"Patton said… I looked the part; young and gorgeous". She avoided eye contact with anyone. "The guys I worked with weren't too happy with having a woman in their squad. My captain tried to reassure me it was completely my choice but I wanted to prove that I was capable of being a part of the squad, so I took it on".

"I'm sorry you had to deal with all that" Dodds piped up.

"Accept the things you cannot change" She gave him a sad smile. "The sting happened a couple of days later.

* * *

><p><em>She was sitting on the edge of the bed. The room they had a rented out was constantly being used for undercover operations. She watched as one of the guys in her squad, Wilson, finished installing the audio and visual instruments so they could hear and see everything from the other room. Wilson would be watching along with his partner, Ryans, their captain and Patton. He had requested to be a part of this op, apparently wanting to see if his protégé was up to the job. <em>

_She had heard rumours about him. Eyeing up female colleagues, being a little handsy at times, especially when drunk, some maybe inappropriate or degrading words used to describe women on his force. There were the odd few rumours as well in which he had gone further with some but no one had reported him. So, of course she only felt extremely unlucky when she found out she would be one of his detectives. One fellow female officer gave her one piece of advice when it came to him; __**never find yourself alone with him.**_

_She felt uncomfortable as it was with just her squad there but now Patton was making her reconsider this whole thing, just to escape his glances which were longer and more frequent than they should have been. She felt extremely self-conscious in the revealing outfit she had to put on; a black backless dress which hovered just above her knees matched with the same colour stilettos which she could just about walk in. She had also left her hair natural for the occasion as she had been told in the past it made her look younger. She wore minimal make up to not overdo it. She went into the bathroom to avoid the eyes of the cameras for a minute. Even though they were not visible to the non-suspecting, she knew they were there, waiting for her to screw this up. However, when she looked up in the mirror above the sink, it wasn't the eyes of the cameras she needed to avoid. _

"_Just wanted to check you were alright. Not having second thoughts, are we?"_

"_Err…no...I just…" She now felt even more uneasy, especially when he started walking towards her. _

"_Don't worry, there's no need to be nervous, darling. I know you'll do great." She now wished she hadn't opted for this backless number as Patton's hand came into contact her bare lower back. She locked eyes with him in the mirror. She wondered if he could sense the fear radiating from her. "I have every faith in you". Thankfully, Ryans shouted out that they were ready for them to start. Patton started to walk out the bathroom where he bumped into Sam. _

"_Everything alright?" He asked, once Patton was out of earshot._

"_Yeah…I'm good" She tried to reassure him with a smile but failed. He started to question her sudden increase in her anxiety levels but she cut him off. "Sam, let's just get this done, so we can all go home." This time, her smile was more reassuring. He decided she was right, and would let it go, for now. _

_The foursome left the main bedroom and went into the adjoining room whilst Amanda waited for the first John to show up. The plan was relatively simple. She would have to get him to show the money first and agree what it was he wanted, in order to prove that he was there to pay for sex. They also agreed (more like went along with, in Amanda's case), that there would have to be some sort of start to the act before they intervened. Sam swore it would be no more than needed be. Uniforms were on standby to take these creeps in._

_The knock at the door indicated the start of their night. She answered the door to a guy, who she had recognized from the list of suspects they had. His name was Harrison Wright. 35, Married, has a son, a good job, nice home. It was these type of guys who she found more interesting than the usual low income, abused as children, socially incompetent perps they normally dealt with. What drove them to use prostitutes or even rape someone when they seem to have everything? As the years went by, she realised everything is not what it seems, perceptions were different from reality and she even took this on herself; hiding behind a mask of emotions to make sure no one could see her weaknesses. They exchanged smiles as he walked in and began surveying his surroundings. He threw his dress jacket over a chair nearby. _

"_Shall we get started then?" He asked._

"_Have you got the money?" He let out a small chuckle. _

"_Yeah, inside pocket of the jacket." She went over and checked. Satisfied when she found it, she took it out and placed it on the dresser, so the guys could see it. _

"_So, what do you want?" _

"_A full service, darling." Darling. Now all she could think about was Patton, him watching this moment. She needed to pull herself together or she was going to blow this whole thing._

"_Sure" He went to lie down on the bed while Amanda tried to calm her nerves down. This was only the first guy the night, they still had like a dozen guys to go through. She got up on the foot of the bed and began moving towards Wright on all fours. Once she got close enough, he pulled her closer and started kissing her. He moved his hands down to the back of her legs, and progressing towards her backside. She went for his belt and started unbuckling it when she felt his hands inside her underwear touching her bare ass. She began to wonder when they were going to intervene when she heard those three essential letters._

"_APD" Amanda jumped off Wright, whilst he sorted himself out. _

"_Harrison Wright, you're under arrest" Wilson read him his rights, whilst Wright was protesting his innocence, claiming it was a misunderstanding. _

"_You okay?" Sam handed Amanda a glass a water, which she accepted with gratitude, and answered with a nod. _

"_You did great. One down eleven to go" Sam went back to the room they were occupying. She clocked her chief looking over at her before he followed Sam. The majority of stings, similarly followed the first one. Amanda's nerves had begun to calm down and she managed to be able to pull it off with a little more ease. _

_They had one last guy; Paul Lewis. She hoped this would be easy so this would all be finished. As soon as he started banging his fists on the door, she knew her prayers hadn't been answered. The moment she opened the door, he barged in, informing her he didn't have long. He chucked the couple of hundred on the dresser and proceeded to sit on the edge of the bed._

"_Come here then." It wasn't shouted but the tone of the voice made it more intimidating. As soon as she was in close proximity, he grabbed her wrist, and pulled her towards him, so she was standing between his legs. "Take it off." That same tone. _

"_What?" Her voice began to waver._

"_I'm not paying you to stand there, fully clothed, am I?" His voice was now raising in level. She was stalling. She couldn't take it off. Because of the practicality of the dress, she hadn't wore a bra with it. "Take it off, or I will" Surely they had enough to make the arrest. When she realised she had no choice, she shrugged the shoulders off, and it pooled at her feet. She immediately went to cover herself with her arms but Lewis wasn't having any of it. He grabbed her arms and held them down by her side. Why hadn't her squad come in and stopped this? "I want you on the bed, on all fours" He got up, waiting for her to get on the bed. Slowly she moved into the position when she felt him behind her, his crotch pressing into her backside. He grabbed hold of her hair and yanked it back towards him. She was on the brink of tears now. It's like she forgot for a split second who she was and what was going on. It felt all so real. "You're going to be treated like the whore you are" Right then, Wilson burst through the door pulling Lewis off the bed and threw him on the ground. Sam came rushing out, shredding his jacket and went to cover Amanda. She moved herself, so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Sam came and crouched in front of her._

"_Hey, Hey, you're okay" He could see the tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. Ryans soon came over to commend her for her work, and to pass her the dress which she just stripped off._

"_You did a great job, Rollins" He added with a slight pat on the back. _

"_Listen, I'm going to have deal with all this back at the station. I want you to go home, take tomorrow off." She went to object but he wasn't having any of it. "There's no discussion, okay? I'll get Ryans to give you a lift." She went off into the bathroom to use the toilet and redress when she came out to see Patton was the only one left._

"_Where's Ryans? He was supposed to be-"_

"_He had a family emergency, I offered to take you home instead." _

"_That's very kind of you, but-"_

"_I don't take no for an answer" He added a smile, which didn't help the uneasy feeling she was getting. It should be straightforward though, she thought. He would drive her to her apartment, she would get out, and he would go. "Shall we go?"_

_When they reached the car, he opened the passenger door for her where she quickly muttered her thanks. As soon as he got in and she gave him her address, they were on their way. As they approached their first set of lights, Patton piped up. She would have much preferred the awkward silence. _

"_You did a good job today, Amanda" She couldn't stand the way her name rolled off his tongue. Something about it really bothered her. And then he patted her thigh, a little too high up her leg. Her bare thigh, be it as well. His hand lingered there, until the lights changed a couple of seconds later._

"_Thanks" She wasn't really in the mood to be getting into a conversation, especially with him. Don't get her wrong, she was very grateful for how he had helped her and supported her. But that was as far as it went. Work colleagues. She was the detective, he was the Deputy Chief. The boundaries were clear; perhaps not to him though._

"_I knew I found a winner with you. All that ambition shining in your eyes. I thought to myself, Charles, you'd be a fool to pass this one down" _

"_Well, I'm very grateful for everything you have done" Just then, he pulled up outside her apartment. "Thanks for the lift" Just as she was about to get out, Patton spoke up._

"_Say, you don't mind if I use your bathroom, real quick" She answered the opposite of what she was thinking. They made their way up to her apartment. When she got to her door, she could feel him standing a little too close for comfort, which made her fumble with her keys, trying to get in as quickly as possible. _

"_Bathrooms through the bedroom, on the left" She let out a sigh which she had been holding when he disappeared out of the room. She hovered a bit, waiting for him to finally leave, so she could fully relax. She heard the toilet flush a couple of minutes ago, so was curious to see what was holding him up. When she walked into her bedroom, she found him sitting on the edge of her bed, looking at framed picture of her and Kim. _

"_You were real cute as a kid" She gave him a quick smile as he gave her the frame to put back on the dresser behind her. Now here they were, him sitting there staring at her, in this too short of dress. She really wished she had the chance to change. "You know how you claimed to be grateful for how much I've helped you, well they say actions speak louder than words." Amanda started to panic. What was he asking of her? He reached out to get her wrist and started stroking her pulse point. _

"_It's been a long day and I'm really tired…" She managed to get coherent sentence even though her mind was in panic mode. _

"_It won't take too long, darling. After all I've done for you, I'm only asking for small favour of your gratitude" Amanda had no idea what to do.  
><em>

_"I…I think…maybe you should go" She stammered. She looked up at him, to see if there was any change in his demeanour which could maybe give her some indication as to what he was thinking. But she couldn't get a read on him. He let out a short laugh and released her wrist and got up off the bed. Amanda still had yet to turn around to face him but the sudden click of the door made her do so. Patton was standing there, undoing his cuff-links. _

"_Amanda, I'm not a guy who takes no for an answer" She wasn't sure whether she should be terrified of what he just said or his calmness about the situation. "I just want this to be a pleasant experience for the both of us, don't you?" He started to walk towards her, but she instantaneously stepped back. However, the odds weren't in her favour, as she felt the bed hit the back of legs, which threw her off balance, and she fell back on to the bed. He lingered in the same spot for a moment before he climbed on top of her, hovering over her. Amanda wanted to move, but her body was failing to cooperate with her mind. He bent down, and started placing kisses in the crook of her neck. She was going throw up. Why wasn't she doing anything? Why wasn't she fighting him off? His right hand remained next to her head which supported himself whilst the other reached under her dress, searching for the forbidden material which was preventing him from getting what he wanted. Tears were welling in her eyes, as she felt him drag her underwear down her legs. She went to speak, protest, but the words got stuck in her throat along with the tears. She wasn't saying no, wasn't struggling, she was pretty much consenting to this_

_This would be on herself._

"_Never pegged you for a lace kind of girl" He laughed, referring to her underwear. Looking down at her, he saw the tears brimming in her eyes. He brushed her hair out of her face, and started stroking her cheek. "Don't worry darling, I've been told I'm a gentle guy." Then he went for her lips, using his tongue to gain entry into her mouth. With the force he was using, she didn't have much of a choice. She heard him fumbling with his belt and zipper. She wanted to plead with him, make him see what he was doing, that she didn't want this but it was like all the neurons in her brain had all disconnected with each other, and all she could do was lie there. And then it happened. His hand was still resting against her cheek while he buried his face in her neck. She could feel his breath against her neck, hear his panting in her ear while he continued thrusting inside of her. She felt paralysed. She always promised herself, if she ever found herself in a situation like this, she would fight tooth and nail even if it still had the same outcome, but at least she knew she had given it her all. But here she was, just letting him take what he wanted. A single tear rolled down her face as she realised she had failed herself. She winced, grasping hold of the duvet, trying to stifle any sound, as she felt him tearing her inside. She didn't even know how long they had been there, before he finally climaxed inside her. He still remained on top of her, inside for a few seconds to catch his breath. But finally moved off her, not before planting a kiss on her forehead and telling her nobody has to know about this. He sorted himself and then just disappeared. _

_Amanda jumped up, the second she heard her front door shut, running to double bolt the locks. She stopped for a second, resting her head against the door, trying to comprehend what had just happened. However, she was reminded when she felt his sticky remnants on the inside of her thighs. Tears were now streaming down her face, blurring her vision, as she ran to the bathroom. When the water was near boiling, she ripped off the last remaining article she had on, and jumped in the shower. She immediately started scrubbing everywhere he had touched her, but it was like his touch, his smell was etched in her skin, and she couldn't scrub hard enough. Her skin was burning red but she didn't care. She fell down, deflated, in the bathtub as the water continued to cascade down on her. She had seen the pinky coloured water, and wondered how much damage Patton had done down there. Would she need to go to the hospital? The hospital. It then suddenly dawned on Amanda what she was doing, something which she shouldn't be; washing away evidence. But could she even consider reporting this? It was her word against his. A new female detective's word against a decorated, highly respected Deputy Chief's word. It was no brainer really. __The best she could do for herself is put it behind her._

_Hours later, she had finally got out the shower, throwing on some oversized jumper and joggers. She abruptly came to a halt when she looked at her bed, where her nightmare had just happened. There was a second indication, following the blood in the shower, of the extent of her injuries. A small but visible blood stain was there on the duvet. She quickly went to the cupboard with the spare bed clothing, pulling out a pillow and blanket before proceeding to the sofa. She left the lamp on beside her so she wasn't consumed in darkness, and then laid down, pulling the blanket up to her chin. Her tears had long dried up, being all cried out. She just laid there, staring at nothing in particular, trying to justify what had happened, make it seem less than it was. Maybe she was overacting. Maybe he had been right. It was little favour for all the help he had given her. Thoughts like this consumed her mind for the rest of the night and the early hours of the morning. _

_Amanda knew one thing for sure; nobody has to know about this._

* * *

><p><strong><em>What do you think? If you all like, I will try my best to continue, however I'm a uni student so life can be very busy. <em>**

**_I'm glad I got this in before the episode airs tonight. I am very excited to see how this plays out however I won't be watching it till the early hours of tomorrow when some good soul uploads the episode (The downsides of living in the UK)) _**

**_Anyway, thanks for reading, reviews appreciated (: xxx_**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry for the slow update; writers block. Shorter chapter than the last one. **Small mention of suicide**. Don't own any of the characters.

* * *

><p>She told her captain a couple of days after the assault, when she heard the rumours around the department, of how she was having an affair with the Deputy Chief to gain her detective status. She wouldn't give a second guess as to who started them. Sam had told it's not worth pursuing, not worth risking her promotion over a misunderstanding, and just to move on from it. She always knew he never believed her. Patton was a long-time friend of his, who wasn't capable of something like that. Sam had said she was upset that her dirty laundry was being aired, and she wanted to get back at him and scolded her for accusing Patton, the man who had helped her career.<p>

"Well I'm disappointed in you, Patton has done you nothing but favours and this is how you repay him?" Maybe she was in the wrong? "Let's go see if the Deputy Chief is still in his office"

"Captain, please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I'm just confused…" She had no idea what she saying. Her mind was all over the place.

"Well maybe you can explain your confusion to him." He held the door, waiting for her to lead the way. The walk down the corridor terrified her. Was she going to lose her job? Why hadn't she just kept her mouth shut? When they reached the office, the door was open, inviting them in.

"Sam, Amanda, what can I do for you?"

"It seems young Amanda here needs some clarity over some events which has transpired between you two. Apparently, she didn't consent for you to have your wicked way with her"

"Is that so?" He was now looking directly at her.

"Well, I think she's embarrassed that everyone's found out how she's tried to whore her way up in her career"

"Well... maybe Amanda and I could have a discussion and I could provide some of that clarity over this issue. Thank you Sam" Being dismissed, Sam left the office, closing the door behind him. Amanda was still frozen on the spot in front of his desk. She kept her eyes to the ground, whilst Patton watched her from behind his desk. "Amanda…What am I going to do with you?" Looking up, Amanda saw him leaning back in his chair, studying her.

"Captain Reynolds was right. I was upset that…what happened got out and I reacted badly" The words felt like poison on her tongue. No one was going to believe her, now that she was the office slut, so she was going to have to play along with her role in this boys' club. She'd lost her dignity and their respect, which wouldn't change, regardless of what she said, so she might as well try and save the one thing she could; her job.

"Come here" Amanda just looked at him, that anxiety creeping back. When she didn't move, he repeated himself, letting a chuckle out this time and used his hand to gesture over to where he wanted her to go. She slowly walked around his desk and stood in front of he got her where he wanted, he swiftly grabbed a hold of her hair, and forced her to her knees. Tears were filling her eyes, knowing she stupidly put herself in this position again. Still sitting in his chair, he pulled her head towards him, so that her face was inches from his crotch. She scrunched her eyes shut, hoping to block all this out, make it seem less real, that she was going to be assaulted again because of her own stupidity. A few hot tears slid down her cheeks. Patton now bent his head forward, so that his lips were close enough her to feel him breathing down her ear.

"I'm only going to say this once Amanda. Nothing good will come out of you spreading lies. We both know what happened that night. You opened your legs willingly so you need to stop running your mouth off or there will be consequences. If this is brought up again, I will make sure this always follow you, no matter how far you go, everyone will know what a filthy whore you've _always_ been. Do you understand?"

All she could do was nod because of the fear he had instilled in her. He pushed her back, so she fell on her backside. Her eyes were red, cheeks streaked with tears, hair out of place.

"Maybe I should make better use of that mouth of yours?" She shook her head, repetitively, knowing if she spoke the tears would get caught up in her throat. Just then, his office phone began to ring. "Looks like you've been saved by the bell" He laughed. As he picked up the phone, Amanda took this as her cue to leave.

* * *

><p>Amanda decided to move on from the bar she was at, almost tripping over the table as she got up. She began aimlessly wondering the streets of the concrete jungle, not sure where she was going to end up.<p>

Another bar.

A casino.

Some stranger's bed.

The morgue.

For months after the rape, she contemplated taking her own life. It wasn't like she had that many people who cared for her. Her mother, always despised her for the things that happened during her childhood and for leaving Georgia. Kim, just got lucky when her sister became a cop, someone to always bail her out when she got herself into a mess. These thoughts were creeping into her mind again.

She stopped walking when she came across a river. She leaned against the railings, admiring the moonlight reflect beautifully against the water. She pondered about just climbing the bars and jumping in.

Would her body automatically try and save herself or would she just float into she could no longer breathe? Would her body be found? Who would do the ID? Would anybody miss her?

"Amanda..." She didn't need to turn around to know the identity of that voice. "Hey…" Her focus was glued to the flashes of light on the water, even when they moved to stand beside her. "You must be freezing, here" The temperature must of been around 5 degrees and all she was wearing was a flimsy blouse. To be honest, with the amount of alcohol she had consumed, she could barely feel the cold. Their jacket was shed from themselves, and placed around her shoulders. It was only then she turned to acknowledge them.

"I suppose I should of left my phone, if I wanted to be left alone" She let out a short laugh, as she saw the look on his face, indicating they had tracked her GPS.

"Maybe subconsciously, you wanted to be found" She'd turned back to her focal point, the water, as her smile disappeared. "We've all been worried about you"

"Why? I mean…me and Patton" She started to laugh. Excluding the smell of bourbon on her breath, he knew she'd consumed a hefty amount of alcohol, because of her behaviour. He'd learnt that there were usually three stages to drunk Amanda. The first would be the laughing, suddenly at anything. The next would involve the aggression especially when riled, as he learnt that night in the bar after the Paula Martin case. "Me and Patton were together…a bit like me and you. I spread my legs for him because that's who am I, Nick. You would know, but it doesn't matter. All you guys…" She shoved him, hard as she spoke. "…. want a bit of skirt now and then, and what better than someone like me, an attention seeking slut, who drops their knickers at the click of the fingers. Maybe Carisi will ask me next…don't worry though, I will always drop to my knees for you"

Nick knew there would no sense in trying to talk with her, reasonably, so decided the best he was going to do now, was get her out of the cold, and let her sleep off the liquor.

"Let's get out the cold, yeah?" Fortunately for Nick, it seemed as all that reeling and rambling had tired her out, so she nodded and walked obediently to his car.

Once they were both situated in the car, Nick blasted up the heat and drove off. Amanda had let her head rest against the window, staring at nothing in particular. He had decided to take Amanda to his house.

When they got there, Nick took Amanda straight to his room, he would sleep on the couch tonight. He took off the jacket that was draped around her then sat her on the bed, so he could take off her shoes. She was sat there silently as she watched him, crouched before her, getting rid of her shoes. She lifted her hand, and began ruffling his hair. That made him look up, smiling at the interaction.

"You okay?" Well he knew deep down she wasn't but still asked anyway. She nodded, as she continued playing with his hair. "How about I find you something comfortable to sleep in?" She was in daze so didn't really hear what he was saying. Only when he moved his head to where she was staring into space, she realised he had been talking to her. Stage three. Compliant, quiet Amanda. "Yeah?" She just nodded again, not entirely sure what she agreeing to. Did he ask for sex? Well it wasn't like she was going to say no, not that it mattered as it didn't seem to mean much these days. When he returned with a grey t-shirt in his hand, she was slightly confused. Nick wasn't sure what to do. He knew what had happened to her, he didn't want her to respond badly if he tried to undress her.

"I'm just going to help you out of these clothes…" So he did want to fuck her. Of course he did, it's what they all want. He could see her mind working like clockwork, so needed to reassure her what he was doing. "Amanda, listen. I don't want anything, okay? I'm just going to help you get changed into something more comfortable so you can rest".  
>"I don't mind…if you want anything from me, just take it" She proceeded to take off her blouse. His heart was breaking.<p>

"I do mind. I'm nothing like these guys, Amanda. You mean more than that. I'm not going to do anything without your say so, ever" He then went to put the t-shirt on her. She followed his lead as he held each sleeve for her to put her arm through. She then stood up in front of him, giving him a smile, letting him know it was okay. Once her trousers were gone, he pulled he hem on the shirt, so that it covered what it needed to. He got and pulled back the covers, allowing her to get it. When she was tucked in, Nick sat on the edge of bed next to her.

"I wish I had been there for you" He continuously brushed his fingers through her locks, whilst Amanda had to smile at his words. Of course he would say something like that. He was all about saving damaged women from the big bad guys. But that was what she loved about him. Most the guys she had known, were the ones causing damage. And now, here was someone who genuinely cared about her.

"You're here now. That means more to me, than you know."


End file.
